new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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