i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
