It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
