he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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