I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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