He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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