i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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