my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Randomize
