Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize