I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Congratulations! We have a period
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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