a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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