The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
