So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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