I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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