MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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