okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Drunk is not a location!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
