he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize