i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
