tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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