not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize