I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
