Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
