Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
