Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
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