ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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