It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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