you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize