I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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