I'm jealous of your bromance
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
