you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
