im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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