Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I FOUND THE LEGS
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
