A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
