According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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