I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
