I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
