That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
