I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize