The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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