Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
