Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
