Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
