My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
