i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
