you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
