I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
