and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You made out with two different species that night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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