she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
