Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
