I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Fuck appropriateness.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
