Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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