Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
