just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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