My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
