btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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