While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
