He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
