i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
