I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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