I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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