We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
