Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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