just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
