mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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