god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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