i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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