this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
