ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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