just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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