smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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