is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
