Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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