He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
