Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
