Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
