stop calling my apartment porn island.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I'm like, not good at living.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
