i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I deserve this hangover.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
