Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
