i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
