Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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