I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
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