why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
