I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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