even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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