please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
