im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
