well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
