my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
